she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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