well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
