Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
