That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize