I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
