I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
