I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
