He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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