after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
