Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
