i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
