i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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