Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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