You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
