i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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