i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
