I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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