You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
