so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
