Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
