he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
