Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just want nice things and good sex
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
