they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
