i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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