wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
