Do you still have your period?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
