I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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