My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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