I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
