My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
