I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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