so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
