there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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