I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
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