So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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