I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i believe in u and ur pee
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
