I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
