I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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