i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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