I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i came on her dog
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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