is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
