I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
