everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
