Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
this hospital has no fireball
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
