He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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