but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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