speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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