He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drake has all the answers
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
