it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
