there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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