I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
