I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
