The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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