This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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