get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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