Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
