That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
