i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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