I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
do nipples grow back?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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