Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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