margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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