I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
