i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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