Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
