shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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