Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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