Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
