yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
