what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
