What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
