it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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