you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
