She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
