he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
