I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
