There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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