I wish I could teleport
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
