I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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